A Stressful Day Indeed...

   Today was a big day. My sister left for her freshman year of college. But that's not the biggest part of that situation: she's headed to Florence, Italy. She'll be spending her freshman year in Florence because she is participating in an international studies program at the university she's attending. We drove her to the airport a couple hours away to see her off. (My dad is also going over for a few days so she can get settled.) It's tough to think that my confidante, my trustworthy advisor, and ultimately the one person who knows me best other than God and my parents, will be gone for four months, and then again for another four months. That's been such a hard change for me, especially, because my sister and I have gotten really really close recently. I tell her everything.
   Another big deal today was getting up in the morning to read a nasty facebook message from my best friend saying how angry she was at me for keeping my word to someone else. But here's what happened: I had a study party at my house on Sunday afternoon. She was invited, but didn't come. I was with a bunch of girls in my school's band. One of them told me about how my best friend's best guy friend was planning on asking her out again. She's already rejected him at least twice via facebook. Well, she then swore me to secrecy, because he didn't want anyone to know he was going to ask her out. I didn't tell her. Well, after he asked her out, I told her I knew. It probably wasn't the smartest call, but honesty, as long as it isn't hurtful honesty, is generally the best policy. Then you don't get caught in your lie. But anyway, I told her I knew. Well, she was mad at me after that. How could her best friend know that and not tell her? I explained to her exactly what happened, and that I knew it wasn't right to betray his trust like that, especially when he didn't know it had been given to me. She told him maybe at the time, because she was caught unaware. Well, she apparently told him no today, and he was really mad at her for saying maybe at first, then no. Well, that translated into her being really really mad at me for her being unaware when I was aware.
   The last stressful event today is that while I was at my aunt's house a couple hours from home, my mom and her brother in law (my uncle) got into a debate. My uncle has always scared me a little bit, and now I kinda know why. He was okay while they were debating and he knew exactly what he was talking about. But once my mom had a good point that he couldn't refute due to lack of information, he got all uptight about my mom pointing at him. He said, "HOW DARE YOU POINT AT ME IN MY HOUSE?!?!?!" That was one of the scariest moments I've ever had with him, and I've been seriously afraid of him before, mostly when I was little. So my mom grabbed me and my brother, and we left. We're now staying in a hotel for my brother's soccer tournament. After we were in the car, I asked my mom if my aunt would be mad at her. My mom said, "probably. But she's been upset with me before. But really, I'm not going to live my life trying to please people." That really said a lot to me, since I was dealing with a similar situation with my best friend.
Anyway, that was my day. I saw God in it, even through all that crap I dealt with.

Friends?

The other day, I was in a great mood.  I was excited for my next class, and I was pumped about the weekend. Until I saw someone I had thought was a friend of mine. Don't misunderstand. I still consider him a friend, and he's really important to me, but I've come to the harsh and true realization that people are different with different people. He's one guy on mission trip, and a totally different one at school. He used to be very very different, but I've watched him slip back into a few of his old habits. Not the bad ones, but they weren't good, either. He's part of the reason I became aware of the fact that I didn't really have a relationship with Christ. Basically what happened was that I saw him, and said hi to him, and he didn't see me, or else ignored me. That stressed me out. I know, I know, girls way over think things. I expect too much out of things, and over react when they don't meet my expectations. At the time, I was really upset. I hadn't even tried to talk to him all week, and when I did, he couldn't even be bothered to say hi to me. I consider him one of my best friends. Not in the "hi, you're my best friend, let me tell you all my secrets," kind of way, but in the "hi, you're my best friend, if I need someone to just be there for me, you're the one I can count on." I was really down about that, but when I saw another one of my friends, one who I sometimes overlook when thinking of my best friends in the "you're the person I can count on to be there for me" kind of way, she was there. I didn't have to explain why I was upset in any great detail, I didn't have to defend my feelings because she didn't attack them, she was just there for me. She encouraged me. And so Kayla, I thank you. I saw God in you this week.

Football Games

Hi there! It's been a while since I last posted. Well, I have officially been back at school for an entire week. Monday through Friday, I endured new teachers, an obnoxious block schedule, and a bunch of new chorus kids. This week has been tough for me in a number of ways. For one, it's cut back on my time with my church friends. I've been spending more and more time with my friends who aren't Christian, or who aren't as good an influence on me. I think that's been the biggest problem.
 I love my friends a lot. They are all so special for so many different reasons. But one issue I have with so many of them is that they are negative. They don't like to see the positive. When you spend time with people like that all the time, you start to become like that. Yesterday morning, I woke up feeling icky after going to bed in a super negative mood. That's something I've been struggling with since then, and unfortunately I've not had much success.
Tonight was our first football game. I wasn't too terribly excited since football is much less my sport than basketball in terms of interest. But I went because I'm friends with a couple guys on the team, and I'm friends with a bunch of band kids. Well, when I got there, I ended up being snubbed by this senior girl who has a nack for getting under my skin. Well, I tried to let it go and walk away, but after a while, I realized that something I thought I had and lost, I never really had. That upset me a lot too. So then I was just in a bad mood. I spent my time being negative, when I could have enjoyed a fun sporting event, even though we got crushed.
There's a verse that comes to mind when I think of this whole issue. It is 1 Corinthians 15:33. It says, "Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts good morals." That means that when you spend time with people who make bad choices, like being negative, you end up making the same bad choices. I've been making some big mistakes, and I haven't quite fixed the issue yet. But with some serious prayers, I know I can do better.

No Greater Love

Have you ever seen the movie Lord of the Rings: the Two Towers? It's a great one, you should totally watch it sometime. So I was watching that movie earlier, and let me tell you, that is one of my favorite movies of all time. My sister and I always discuss the best battle. Her favorite is the Battle of Helms Deep. I never really cared about that battle, for no particular reason. It just never really interested me. But I've been stuck on this verse lately in John 15. It's John 15:13, and it says, "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends." Watching that particular scene in the movie made me think of the love between friends. Do I love my friends enough that I would die for them? I think the answer would be yes. I'm not afraid of death, and I cherish my friends above all other worldly things. Unfortunately, I wouldn't really know if I have the courage and love to put their lives before my own. But I know someone who did. He gave up everything for me, and everyone else in the world. Even the terrible people on this planet who disgust me at times, Jesus died for them too. That is quite the thought. Do you love the sinners of the world enough to die for all of them? And to take all their sins upon themselves? Because I don't. My love fails, just like everyone elses. Except God.