Hey y'all!
So I don't really know why, but especially today, I just feel overwhelmed. I've got a lot on my plate academically, but also, I have a lot of things to figure out, like what to do with my summer. The campus ministry I'm involved in, the Navigators, have this Summer Training Program called Smoky Mountain Summer. Well, everyone there, and especially one of the EdgeCorps guys (those are the interns at Navs, we have 2 girls and 2 guys) has really been pushing SMS at us. Whenever anyone says they don't want to participate, he gets a little pushy. And I don't deal well with pushy. In fact, pushy usually has the opposite effect than intended. And I don't want to be completely against SMS. I really would like to do SMS one summer, I just don't think this is the summer. And more importantly, I don't know if God is calling me to SMS. I haven't thought about it too much, and I definitely haven't given it the prayer it requires. Also, I have other options for this summer. Like getting a normal job, and getting used to the idea of having a job, something I've never had before. Or, my church has a summer intern each summer, and I'm considering applying for that. I have more options than just SMS. And I completely believe that God can work just as strongly in my life back home as He can in Pigeon Forge, if He so desires. And I know that isn't the intention, but whenever this guy pushes me toward SMS, I feel very much like he's putting God in this box, saying, "SMS is a life-changing experience, and God does such amazing things during that time." It's not that I doubt that God works wonders in people's lives there, it's that I don't necessarily believe that God calls each and every person to go to SMS, and I don't believe that God can only work in such wonderful ways at SMS. I know for a fact that God can change my life just the same on Signal Mountain as He can in Pigeon Forge. And trying to guilt me into going to SMS, or trying to coerce me into going, even though I say that I want to wait to decide until I know where God is leading me, I don't think that's okay. And anyway, all that to say, I'm really overwhelmed with a lot of different feelings. Plus, on top of that, I never really get to be alone, in my own private space, and I really want to cry, and sing at the top of my lungs. I guess I'm a little homesick. I also miss being in complete control of the temperature in my room. But that's whatever.
But on a much happier note, my Bible study tonight was AMAZING!!! And I met another girl who uses the phrase "it's a God thing," which is AWESOME! Some of the girls shared parts of their testimonies, which was really great. And I really got a chance to reflect on my own life. I got to reflect on some of my fears, like never being in love and my fear of other people's judgments. I don't really know how else to explain how great Bible study was tonight, except that God was really just there, and working.
I'm sorry this is such a long post. I needed to get this out.
Oh, and I got to talk to my sister about this whole pushy-SMS situation, and getting to talk to her is ALWAYS awesome!! I really needed her encouragement! It's a special gift to be able to turn my tears into laughter, and my sister has it better than most. I miss her a lot. I've been truly blessed to have her, and I'm so thankful that God gave her to me.
Anyway, God is really working! And that's a very comforting thought!!
