Birthday!!!

So yesterday was my 16th birthday. During the school day, I was okay. My day hadn't been great, but it hadn't been terrible either. It was just another day. Well, other than some of my more obnoxious friends yelling "Happy birthday!!!" at me as I sprinted to class. But what I really loved about yesterday had nothing to do with school. Yesterday, I worked my church's rummage sale because my birthday party is tonight, and I had to work one of the two days. I didn't really want to work on my birthday, but I did. I can't tell you how glad I am that I did.
Yesterday while I was working, I had so much fun. I realized how much I really love these people in my church. They are fun and sweet and just good to be around. They are such a good influence on me, and I appreciate them for it. They are encouraging and they help me when I need it. They give me good advice and they're fun to talk to. And another thing. I talk about my youth group a lot, but it's not all youth. I consider our Sunday School teachers, our Wednesday night leaders, even just some of the women in our church, and our Missions Pastor to be part of our youth group too. And of course our Youth Pastor Tamara. All of these people make up my youth group/second family. And I know I got really off the topic here, but I just love all of these people so much, and they are what made my day yesterday fantastic. So, thanks guys! I love you all!  

Life

Have you ever noticed how life likes to throw you a curve ball right when you aren't expecting it, just because of everything else going on in your life? For instance, when you start dating this really great guy and he starts telling you he loves you just a couple weeks into your relationship. You don't see it coming. Or when your boyfriend breaks up with you over the internet while he's in town for no apparent reason. Or your dad can't make it to your important concert because your mom is depressed. Or your dad goes bankrupt and gets arrested for domestic assault--assaulting you.   These things happen. It's sad, but they happen. You wonder why. . . Why did my parents get divorced? Why did we have to move across the country? Why wouldn't any of my friends stand up for me? Why did my dad abuse me emotionally? Why didn't I know how to respond when she was attacking my faith? Why is the biggest question in my life right now. Now, those things I mentioned before? Those haven't happened to me necessarily, but to the people I care about. But even still, I see how they have affected their lives. These problems, I don't know how any of them feel up close and personal. But I know how they've hurt the ones I love.
I know a girl whose boyfriend told her he loved her two weeks into their relationship. She was shocked and didn't know how to respond. She didn't love him back, and told him so. But he didn't care. He kept telling her. They kept dating. But one day she realized that she didn't have romantic feelings for him at all. She didn't want to break up with him, but she knew she had to. She felt like she would be being a jerk if she did, but in the end she knew that was the right decision. But it was a curve ball that she didn't see coming. It changed a lot of things. And that's just one example.
Now I could tell you all about the other incidents I mentioned before, but that's a good place to stop for the point I want to get across. The point of this whole thing is that God is in control. I don't care if you don't believe in God or if believing in God has been your entire life. God is in control. And more than that, God sees the big picture. God knows that what he's given you to deal with is for good. After all, in Romans 8:28 it says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (NASB) That means that no matter what difficulties we have, God knows that in the end, they will work for the good of us, the people working for His purpose. And that's a comforting thought, at least for me.

Accept it? Yes. Stop Praying? Never

So there's a kid at my school who's... Well, I'm not sure what he is. Or rather, I wish he wasn't what he is. He plays football. Don't misunderstand. I don't dislike football players until their pride gets in the way and their egos get bigger than Texas. Then they get annoying. And that's kinda the problem with this particular guy.
Once upon a time (last year) he was one of my favorite people ever. I considered him a good friend. I could trust him, and no matter how much he teased me, I knew that when it came down to it he would be there for me. Well, this fall, he started playing football. Need I say more? I probably should.
When he started playing football, he stopped talking to me almost all together. He started hanging out with the jerk-ish guys who play football, especially the ones that think they're all that, even though they have yet to play during a real varsity game. He became the obnoxious jerk who talks straight through class and makes rude jokes about everyone. He even started doing the annoying high socks and tennis shoes thing that all the football players do because they think it's so cool or something. I began hating this "new him" before football season was even half over.
Then he went on my church's ski trip the weekend before we went back to school after Christmas break. He was a completely different person than the jerk he had been lately. He was back to teasing me and talking to me and being one of my favorite people. I didn't even ski with him, but he talked to me anyway. Well, when we went back to school, he went back to being the "new him." It made me so upset. I complained about him more than usual, and my friends noticed. That Wednesday, though, he went to our youth group. He stayed "new him," but he came, which made me glad. He kept coming too. I began praying that the "new him" would leave forever, and that he would revert to the old him. But then he stopped coming. I asked why at school, and he gave me an excuse. This happened for the next few weeks. Finally, I blew up on him. I gave him crap about how he kept giving me excuses and how if he wasn't gonna keep coming, he needed to just say so. After all, (although I didn't say this to him) every week, I would get excited to see him only to have my hopes prove worthless. I was sick of it. His response was "I never said I would keep coming!" Which he had. I was so mad. But I let go. I realized that nothing I could do would bring back the old him. The him that I love. I wanted to just give up. Forget the old him and move on with my life. Forget about him in my prayers, and in my daily life. For a while, I did. Or tried to. But today I realized something. I can't change him, that's true. But I can accept that he's different. That doesn't mean I should stop praying for him. He's still him, even if his personality has changed. So maybe I don't want to spend time with the new him. That doesn't mean I shouldn't pray for him. If he's become a jerk after being a really awesome guy, maybe that awesome guy is still there and will come back someday. But even if he doesn't, I can keep praying for him, and pray that I can love him even if the old him never returns. So now, I'm deciding to accept the "new him" and pray for him regardless. Or try at least.

Museum?

Today for AP World History, we took a field trip to the High Museum in Atlanta, GA. We had a lot of fun, and it was cool seeing all the amazing artwork. One thing that really hit home while I was on this trip is the extent of Human Ingenuity. People can create the most beautiful, intricate works. And some of the beautiful things in that museum weren't really all that intricate or complex. And I thought, "These artists can pull this off because God did it first." That was a cool and comforting thought. No matter how beautiful complex things humans create, the works of God's hands are so much more so.

Another thing that I really saw today was that while there were definitely similarities between works of art, none of them were exactly the same, and, while we joked that even a 2 1/2 year old could do some of this stuff, they can't be truly recreated, or copied in anyway. Sure you can take a picture of the art, or make a copy somehow, but it won't actually be the same. Each person on this planet is unique, and, just like each work of art, whether as simple as a funny shaped canvas painted green or as complex as any of Picasso's cubism works, is special to the creator, so are we. God loves us all so much, and not because we're just like another. God loves us because we are his handiwork. We are his masterpieces.

Your will be done

So, I can say from personal experience, when you have a good plan, it can be incredibly difficult to give it up, even when you know the plan you're giving it up for is better.

I've been having this issue lately. There are things going on that I cant control, so I've been praying that MY plan would happen. That's not the way it should be at all. I should understand that God's plan is better, and even though I don't know what it is, I should trust God that everything will work out. I keep praying that my will be done, when I ought to be praying for GOD's will to be done. That's something I forget easily, and I need to work on that.

"Breathing the Spirit"

My youth is reading a book called Not A Fan by Kyle Idleman for our small groups on Sunday nights. Today, I was reading it during my personal finance class during some free time. It had a passage about "Breathing the Spirit." That passage really struck me, and I've decided to make a conscious effort to do this. Basically, what it is is this: When you feel yourself being angry, or selfish, or lustful, or greedy, etc. you exhale, exhaling these feelings, and in essence, the human-ness of you, or your Dark human nature. When you inhale, you inhale the Spirit, which fills all of you with it's Light. It's a really cool concept, and I'm trying to live that way.

Working in Ways You Don't Even Realize

   You may not realize it, but God is working in your life. I don't care if you don't think so, he is. And this does relate, just so you know.
   For the past few weeks, I've been busy working on my personal project. (If you are unlucky enough to know what that means in relationship to the IB program, I am SO sorry for you, but if you don't, be happy and don't ask.) It's this really stressful project that I've been supposed to be working on all year, but I just started in February. I know, I know. Procrastinating is bad. Anyway, I had to present my project to my advisor tonight, along with two other teachers. I was terrified and freaking out, understandably so considering I hadn't even started on my presentation until last night around 10. Anyway, I thought I was supposed to go home with my sister, but I told my cousin not to leave until I texted her because I wasn't absolutely positive. Well, after school, I walk outside and I see that my cousin has already left. Then I walk out to my sister's car, and she's not there. I called her a bunch because I really had to get home to finish my presentation, which was at 4. She didn't pick up once. So I called my mom. My mom came and picked me up because I was crying because I was stressed out and concerned. When I got home, I really didn't want my mom to stop and get the mail because I was in such a rush to start working. I'm SO glad she did though.
   I got a letter in the mail from an awesome friend of mine who's in college. I hadn't seen her since the summer, and we haven't really contacted each other much, so I was pleasantly surprised to get it. But I was too busy to read it until I was on my way back to school to present. I didn't think that a simple letter could do so much for me, but it did.
   I had been super stressed out about my project, and really just about life in general. I mean, there's a LOT of drama when you're a high school girl in chorus. And then there's that girl who I bought a Bible for Christmas for, even though she's atheist. She's a sweet girl, but she can be a little rough sometimes.  But my college friend shared with me a Bible verse that really calmed me down. It's 1 Peter 5:8-9 "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith. Your brothers and sisters throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." It reminded me that I'm never alone in my struggles, no matter how it may feel. It made me calmer about my presentation, too. I really felt like Jesus was right there with me, and that calmed me down a ton.

Changing Someone's Life

Tonight, at my youth group, a few kids shared their testimonies. I was too shy to share mine, but one girl, a darling friend of mine, shared hers. I didn't know this about her, and I was shocked, to say the least. She seemed like such a normal kid, with a normal life, a normal family, a normal faith. But what she has is much stronger. This is kind of what she said, and all I can think is that she's gone through so much more than many adults, and she shouldn't have to, nor should any other teenager. So this is her testimony. Cambree darling, I love you, and sometimes it's okay to cry.

"A few years ago, when I was in 6th grade, my dad abused me. He abused me mentally and emotionally. I kept it from my mom. I didn't tell anyone till I was in 8th grade. My guidance councilor got it outta me. I didn't even tell my mom til Child Services were at my door.I've been depressed for a couple years now. I was diagnosed as depressed in 7th grade. No high school freshman should be depressed. Jesus Christ has helped me live even though I'm depressed. For a while, I thought why should I trust this guy if he's gonna let me go through all that, but now I've realized that now that I've been through this, I can get my story out there, and let other people know that they aren't alone. They aren't the only ones who've lived through this. And it'll be okay. The way I see it, I could be saving someone's life. And Jesus is helping me all the way."