Hey there internet!!! So life happened today! I had some Abby time today, and it was tough, but it was good too. I had some reality to face, which can get real uncomfortable. And today it was.
Today we talked about some of my pride issues, and the anger and bitterness and annoyance and impatience that stem from it. It sucks, because I'm kind of uncomfortable with myself now. Part of me just wants to hide away from everyone else for the rest of my life now, because I don't want it to be an issue that pervades my friendships. But that's not realistic. I just don't want people to see that part of my heart. But I know people do. I don't know, I'm just not comfortable with myself anymore. Which is both good and bad. It's bad because it means I have a problem that God and I need to deal with. It's good, because that means that my new self, the new nature that God implanted in me, is rejecting that part of myself, the sinful nature that once resided in me, and pervaded my entire being. But anyway, it really sucks to realize just how messed up I am, and to realize that people really see it. Part of me, sitting here at a table in the library really wants to just break down and cry. But I can't, and I know that. It was a good day, for sure. But at the same time, it kind of sucked. But I definitely saw God working in my heart today, really revealing my sin to me where I had blinded myself previously. Pride is a huge issue in my life, I've always known that, but today I was reminded again of how real and active it still is in my life.
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