Life and All That

It's funny to look back at who I was when I started this blog. I had really just started walking with Jesus. I was a sophomore in high school, looking for a place to share my thoughts with the world--even though I knew that most of the world, including my loved ones, would never see this. In fact, I didn't want my loved ones to know about this. I was afraid of what they would think, what they would say, even if they loved it and agreed with it. Sometimes, I think that responding to something at all cheapens it, and I didn't--and still don't--want this diary of experiences to be cheapened. I don't want people just commenting silly nothings like "you go girl" or "oh, that's so sweet". I know that those are good things, and meant to encourage, but they just feel like people are trying to boost my self-esteem, like the only reason I'm doing this is because I need validation, and they want to offer it. But I don't need validation. I know my value, and whether anyone ever reads this again or not, I know what I'm doing and why. And it has very little to do with the responses of my peers.
It's very possible that my expectation for this blog has changed. In fact, I would say it's more than likely. I'm a different woman than I was at fifteen years old. I want to post about my experiences, about my relationship with the Lord, the good, the bad, and the ugly. When I started this, I don't think I knew how bad and ugly that could really be. I'm still learning. I'm learning about how God is good, and I can be both bad and ugly, until grace enters the picture. I'm learning about my own sin in new ways right now, which is the bad and ugly in my relationship with the Lord. But seeing that makes God and His grace all the more beautiful. I guess that for now, that's what this blog is all about!