Overwhelmed!! But still an amazing night!!

Hey y'all!
So I don't really know why, but especially today, I just feel overwhelmed. I've got a lot on my plate academically, but also, I have a lot of things to figure out, like what to do with my summer. The campus ministry I'm involved in, the Navigators, have this Summer Training Program called Smoky Mountain Summer. Well, everyone there, and especially one of the EdgeCorps guys (those are the interns at Navs, we have 2 girls and 2 guys) has really been pushing SMS at us. Whenever anyone says they don't want to participate, he gets a little pushy. And I don't deal well with pushy. In fact, pushy usually has the opposite effect than intended. And I don't want to be completely against SMS. I really would like to do SMS one summer, I just don't think this is the summer. And more importantly, I don't know if God is calling me to SMS. I haven't thought about it too much, and I definitely haven't given it the prayer it requires. Also, I have other options for this summer. Like getting a normal job, and getting used to the idea of having a job, something I've never had before. Or, my church has a summer intern each summer, and I'm considering applying for that. I have more options than just SMS. And I completely believe that God can work just as strongly in my life back home as He can in Pigeon Forge, if He so desires. And I know that isn't the intention, but whenever this guy pushes me toward SMS, I feel very much like he's putting God in this box, saying, "SMS is a life-changing experience, and God does such amazing things during that time." It's not that I doubt that God works wonders in people's lives there, it's that I don't necessarily believe that God calls each and every person to go to SMS, and I don't believe that God can only work in such wonderful ways at SMS. I know for a fact that God can change my life just the same on Signal Mountain as He can in Pigeon Forge. And trying to guilt me into going to SMS, or trying to coerce me into going, even though I say that I want to wait to decide until I know where God is leading me, I don't think that's okay. And anyway, all that to say, I'm really overwhelmed with a lot of different feelings. Plus, on top of that, I never really get to be alone, in my own private space, and I really want to cry, and sing at the top of my lungs. I guess I'm a little homesick. I also miss being in complete control of the temperature in my room. But that's whatever.
But on a much happier note, my Bible study tonight was AMAZING!!! And I met another girl who uses the phrase "it's a God thing," which is AWESOME! Some of the girls shared parts of their testimonies, which was really great. And I really got a chance to reflect on my own life. I got to reflect on some of my fears, like never being in love and my fear of other people's judgments. I don't really know how else to explain how great Bible study was tonight, except that God was really just there, and working.
I'm sorry this is such a long post. I needed to get this out.

Oh, and I got to talk to my sister about this whole pushy-SMS situation, and getting to talk to her is ALWAYS awesome!! I really needed her encouragement! It's a special gift to be able to turn my tears into laughter, and my sister has it better than most. I miss her a lot. I've been truly blessed to have her, and I'm so thankful that God gave her to me.
Anyway, God is really working! And that's a very comforting thought!!

There is Faith

So I've been thinking. I'm about as far from perfect as can be. And lately, my faith has been shaking. I mean, I still believe, but to live in faith is really different from believing in your head that there's a god somewhere who loves you. I don't know what I need to do, exactly, to strengthen my walk, but I felt like this is something I should share. It's not exactly easy to live a life of faith with nothing but the Bible to lead you. I've just, not felt God near me lately, and I don't know why. But a couple days ago, I was coming up with things to put on my wall to make it more homey and personal, and I decided to write encouraging phrases. One that I thought of really sticks out to me in this moment of my faith. I know it came from God. It says, "Regardless of feelings, there is faith." I just wanted to share that with you now. Perhaps it will encourage you the way it has encouraged me.

All the best,
Becca

Missing Home

I'm in college, two hours away from home. It's really not that far. But it feels so far, sometimes! I really miss my youth group. They've always been my support, and it's weird and sad not getting to be with them. God really blessed me with them, and they mean a lot to me. And I'll get to see them VERY soon!!! Just 8 more days til I go home and visit them. YAY!!

General Psychology 110

Hey everyone! So, I'm taking a psychology course this semester, and it's really fascinating. You may have heard of a placebo, where you get better just from the expectation of getting better. Well, things like that seriously amaze me. I mean, God created us, knowing that that would happen. He created us so beautifully, and so complex. It's amazing. Anyway, I'm studying for my first Psych test, but really wanted to share that with you all!!

Quick Comment

Hey guys! You know the post from a few days ago, called Rich Mullins and His Beautiful Legacy? Well, the first quote that I talk about says, "God takes the junk of our lives and turns it into the most beautiful art." Or something along those lines. And I've been thinking about that. God doesn't take all the things we see as beautiful, or good, or clean. God takes our junk. God takes the things we don't like, the things we'd like to hide away, and makes THAT beautiful. Just something to think about.

Just Listening

I have this bad habit of thinking I know everything. I consider myself appropriately knowledgeable about life, and especially the Bible. And as far as actual knowledge goes, like where certain verses are, and what certain verses say, I'm absolutely right. But God's been reminding me that I don't know it all. In the Bible study I'm doing, we're studying John, and whenever the leaders, Abby and Kayley ask questions, I always think I have the answer. But I have yet to say anything. And when I listen, instead of speak, the other girls have some great answers. And Kayley made a point, the other night, there isn't necessarily one right answer. We don't know the answers to a lot of these questions, and letting us talk out what we think it means is really cool. And most of all, it's humbling. I don't know everything, and I need to open up my mind, and my heart, and look at this with the eyes of a beginner, I think. The song "Word of God Speak" by MercyMe is great, and reminds me of this. It says, "I'm finding myself/at a loss for words/and the funny thing is/it's okay./The last thing I need/is to be heard,/but to hear/what You would say." It goes on, and it's an absolutely beautiful song, but I'm reminded of that part whenever I think about Bible study.

Thanks!! Sorry I know, it's not as easy to read as normal. I tend to be a little confusing when I'm tired, and I'm exhausted at the moment. My roommate was up basically all night with the light on... Anyway, sorry everyone!!

Where I'm Supposed to Be

Hey everyone!! So, I joined the Navigators here at my college. Navs is a campus ministry that's world-wide. It's really great! I really love it. I've met some really sweet and fun people through this ministry. But anyway, tonight was the second meeting. We gather, and worship and have fellowship with other believers. Well, I'm pretty new here on campus. I mean, all of us freshmen are. But I've felt  a little out of place for as long as I've been here. I don't have many friends, because I'm introverted and don't like meeting new people, and very few of my friends are here at college with me. Most of my friends went to other schools. So it's been weird, and I haven't exactly been sure where I'm supposed to be here. But last Thursday night, when we had our first Nav Night, I felt like I knew where I was supposed to be. I could really feel God there, in the room with us. It was so wonderful. I hadn't really felt that in a long time, and I didn't realize how much I missed it until I found it again. I just felt really blessed to be there. I still don't exactly know what I'm doing here, what God wants of me during my time here in college, but I have a good idea of where I'm supposed to be.

Rich Mullins and his beautiful legacy

Hey everyone! So, you may have heard about the new independent film that recently came about that's about Rich Mullins and his life, called Ragamuffin. (Check out the movie's website, linked here!) Anyway, my sister loves Rich Mullins, even though he passed away when she was three years old. Because of the movie that was recently released, I watched a couple videos on YouTube of Rich Mullins performing and speaking. He said something that really just struck me. He said "God takes the junk of our lives and he makes the greatest art in the world out of it." It's so beautiful! I'm so far from perfect, as everyone is, and the thought that the junk in my life is being used to create something wonderful... That's so amazing! That truly is the miracle of Christianity. I think sometimes we forget that nothing we can do has ever been enough. Nothing could even compare to perfect. So in our judgments of others, we have to remember that.

There's one other quote I want to share, but it's kind of long. It seriously gave me goosebumps. I found it on goodreads.com, so I don't know where it came from exactly, but it's seriously SO BEAUTIFUL!!! I teared up... But here it is:

 "I am thinking now of old Moses sitting on a mountain - sitting with God - looking across the Jordan into the Promised Land. I am thinking of the lump in his throat, that weary ache in his heart, that nearly bitter longing sweetened by the company of God...

And then God - the great eternal God - takes Moses' thin-worn, thread-bare little body into His hands - hands into whose hollows you could pour the oceans of the world, hands whose breadth marked off the heavens - and with these enormous and enormously gentle hands, God folds Moses' pale lifeless arms across his chest for burial.

I don't know if God wept at Moses' funeral. I don't know if He cried when He killed the first of His creatures to take its skins to clothe this man's earliest ancestors. I don't know who will bury me -

...Of God, on whose breast old Moses lays his head like John the Beloved would lay his on the Christ's. And God sits there quietly with Moses - for Moses - and lets His little man cry out his last moments of life.

But I look back over the events of my life and see the hands that carried Moses to his grave lifting me out of mine. In remembering I go back to these places where God met me and I meet Him again and I lay my head on His breast, and He shows me the land beyond the Jordan and I suck into my lungs the fragrance of His breath, the power of His presence." 
— Rich Mullins

(Here's  the link to all Rich Mullins' quotes on goodreads!)

Familiar Faces

Well, day 2 of my college experience has been pretty good as of yet. I was feeling pretty homesick last night after I got back to my dorm, and it was tough going to sleep without the comfort of my own home, my own bed, my lamp and my fan, etc. But today, while a lot of it was tough, (I spent the morning in my room until like, 1:30), I talked to a few people from home. I really miss home. It feels a little like a part of me is lost, but talking to my old friends just really calmed me down, and comforted me. It was nice to talk to people who know the same people I do, who know the same restaurants and stores. And it really came right when I needed it. It started when I saw a guy I haven't been friends with since sophomore year. We didn't talk or anything, but when he saw me, his face lit up and he waved. It was just nice to know that seeing me meant just as much to him as seeing him meant to me. Then I saw one of my really good friends from high school, and she came over and talked to me, and it was just nice to see someone who I know really well and love dearly. It was really comforting to me. I didn't know how homesick I was until I talked to her about home. And then I saw a guy I'd never been close with, but I'd always been friends with, and I walked with him back to his dorm. We talked about all kinds of things, but the familiarity was just so comforting. I prayed this morning, or maybe last night, that God would comfort me, and give me peace, and I firmly believe that that's exactly what He did for me tonight. It's so awesome to see how God answers prayers!! He truly is a Wonderful God!!

College Day 1

So, I'm officially a college freshman!!!! Like, for real!!!! It's so weird. It's really difficult. Change is very uncomfortable. I don't like it. It's only my first day, I haven't even slept in my dorm yet, classes don't begin for several days, and I'm already homesick. But I guess that's life. But God is here. I've never felt more drawn to Him. I've already met lots of cool people, which is excellent. I feel like God... well God is God. That's the beauty of God.

Anyway, sorry this post is weird and short and not exactly quite as eloquent as my others, not to say my other are particularly eloquent, but yeah. Sorry. I'm exhausted. I'll try to post again tomorrow though.

Lots of love,
Becca!!

P.S. Could you pray for me? Thanks!!!

Down the Wrong Path

Hey, so I know I just posted, like a few minutes ago, but I just remembered something. I have a couple of friends, and they're really close to my heart. I mean, I love them like brothers. They kind of go to church with me. But I think the end of school, and the transition they're supposed to be making from high school to college has challenged them, and they've gotten into some bad stuff. They're headed down the wrong path. They're digging themselves into holes that I'm not entirely sure they'll be able to escape from. So please, if you could, pray for them. I'm so worried. My sister tells me not to worry, but instead to pray for them, and encourage them to do what's right, but not be pushy at the same time. So I'm trying to let them be, but I miss them. So please, pray for them. Pray that they'll see what they've lost before it's too late.

Thanks!!!

Mission Trip Miracles!! And Other Stuff :)

Hey everyone!!!

So it's been a while, a little over a month I guess, and I'm sorry I haven't really posted or done anything on here, but I've been busy. I know I use that excuse a lot, but mission trips take a lot of energy, both in preparation and execution.

So anyway, lots of SGMs. The first one is in my mission trip last week. I was at a children's home for kids who are wards of the state (which means the state of Georgia is their legal guardian), and most of them have some sort of mental handicap. I'm not allowed to say a whole lot about them, but two of the little boys I worked with made professions of faith while we were there!! It was so amazing!!! And another little boy asked "If Jesus was God, and had powers like God, why didn't he save himself from the cross, and all the beatings?" It was truly the perfect question. To see his face light up when he understood that Jesus loved that little boy so much that he went through all that suffering, even though he didn't have to... How amazing. I feel truly blessed to have been on this trip, and I really hope I never forget that day. It was the most special and wonderful day of my life, and I can't wait to see my two little boys, and hopefully more, one day in heaven.

But also, some little ones. I'm at the beach for our family vacation, but as it happens, now it's only me and my mom. Anyway, there has been some truly amazing sky here. I just really see God in the beauty of the sky, and the ocean, and the much-needed relaxation and peace I've gotten here. But also, a couple nights ago, there was this huge thunderstorm. And I do mean HUGE. We're talking two to three seconds between thunder and lightning, and it was nearly constant. But it was also truly truly magnificent. It was an amazing sight to behold. I wish I had been able to take a picture of it. But it reminded me of the song "Awesome God" by Rich Mullins. The first verse says: "When He rolls up His sleeves,/He ain't just puttin' on the Ritz./Our God is an Awesome God,/There is thunder in His footsteps and lightning in His fists/Our God is an Awesome God." It was really just wonderful.

Anyway, that's really it for now!! I'm sure I'll be back soon!! I have another mission trip that leaves in just a few days, and after that, I'm sure I'll have lots of amazing things to share!!

Love you!! -Becca

An Idol in a Major Way!!

Hey Online-iverse!! Hope you're doing well!!! Sorry for the lack of posts, I just graduated from high school a week ago, and I've had exams and such for the past few weeks. But I'm back!!
So, I guess I've had some stuff going on. I just got smacked in the face by God. But let me give some back story first.

We're going on a mission trip in about a month, and we had a meeting on Wednesday. There are about 18 or 19 youth going on this trip, and most (if not all) were meant to attend. Well, one of the guys had to work that night, but said he would come late. ***Quick background info: I had a crush on this guy two summers ago, until about a year ago, and it was pretty serious, for a crush. Anyway, I've moved on from him, but he's still really important to me, both his opinion of me, and how he relates with me and communicates with me are really really important to me, and I spend a lot of time focusing on it.*** Anyway, halfway through the meeting, he texts one of the leaders and says something along the lines of "I can't go on this mission trip to GA because I have to work that week." Well, when Sally (the main leader, and person in charge of mission trips) came into my group to find out how we were doing, she mentioned that this guy could no longer come on the mission trip. I literally lost my breath for a moment. I didn't know what to do. I just sat there shocked. I wasn't freaking out or anything, and nobody really noticed that anything was wrong with me, but it was still happening. Immediately, I began mentally arguing and bartering and "discussing" with God. "God, let him go, I'll find someone to cover his shifts for him," and "God, he needs to be there to help people," and the most humiliating of all, "God, if he can go, I'll do anything you want." For the rest of the night, I was concocting convoluted schemes that would allow this guy to come on our trip.

Later on that night, as I was driving home, it struck me: why do I care whether he comes or not? Like, there was another guy who was originally coming, but then wasn't, and while I was upset, I wasn't willing to sell my soul (just a colloquialism) to get him on this trip with me.  So I sat in my car and tried to figure it out. And then I realized. He had become my idol. This guy who I didn't even really have a crush on had become more important to me, and took more of my energy and emotions and time than God did. And while God probably had lots of reasons to keep him from this trip, or at least from that meeting that night, I feel confident that one of them was to show me my idol.

Now, circumstances might yet change, and allow this guy to come on the trip, but I believe that God had the specific intention of not letting him come that night, to show me my idol. And I'm glad He did. It hurt at first, and it's still very difficult, but I don't feel this need to dress in his favorite color, or wear his favorite color nail polish on one finger. I feel freer somehow. And more confident in Christ.

New York City, Bible Study, and My Walk of Faith

Hi Internet!! I'm in New York City this week, and it's FABULOUS!!! It's exciting, and different, and I'm really loving it! My sister lives here, and I'm visiting her for my spring break. Anyway, I've done lots of fun things, like going to one of her classes, and seeing some of the sights (like Times Square and Macy's and the Rockefeller Center), and we'll be doing a lot more of that in the next couple days before I head home. I'm super excited to be spending so much quality time with my sister, in the city she loves.

Anyway, another thing I've done with her is go to her Bible Study. That was actually tonight. And it was really amazing. It was my sister, myself, and two other girls. We talked about how we are Redeemed. We're called "the Redeemed." It's really a wonderful realization, and something to think about: are we living our lives like we're Redeemed?

Also, though, I just saw God in each of the girls who were there, who asked me about my Walk of Faith. And truthfully, my Walk has seen better days. I've really just not had my head in the right place. I haven't focused on God, nor put the time in to a quiet time the way I've needed to. But these women encouraged me in my Walk, instead of looking down on me for it.

But anyway, it was really an amazing, God-filled day. And I can't wait to see Him through the rest of the week!

Good Friends

Good friends are such a valuable asset to life. My friends have made me who I am today. They support me and love me, and give me guidance and direction.

 Like I said the other day, I'm kind of in trouble. I'm in ISS today, because I have a ton of late work to finish. And that's where this story begins.

Well, I have several friends who know what's going on with me. Whenever I apologize for being an idiot, most of them tell me, "It's okay, Becca, you're not an idiot! It's all okay." And yeah, that kind of makes me feel better, but it's not really the truth. It's not okay that I procrastinated to the point of being put in ISS. It's not okay that I didn't do something that I was supposed to do months ago. And I have one friend, one of my two best, who tells me that. She isn't being mean or harsh about it, but she's made it very clear that what I've done is not okay. And that's good. I need someone who I respect, who I love, who I see as an equal, (aka one of my friends) to tell me that I'm not "OK." Now, I still appreciate those who don't judge me, and who are trying to be kind to me, but tough love? That's real friendship.

Proverbs 27:6 says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy."

Proverbs 18:24 says, "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
    but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

I'm really lucky to have good friends. Actually no. Scratch that. I'm really blessed to have good friends. And grateful too.

What do you fear?

Hey Universe! I hope life's going well!

So I had a kind of tough day today... My principal pulled me out of class today, and I'm kind of in trouble. . . But the thing is, she's scary. Really scary. And she's not the only thing. I'm afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid of:

• My principal
• ISS
• That other kids will mock me
• Biology
• My parents
• My brakes failing on the way down the mountain
• My chorus teacher on a bad day
• Having to room with someone I don't like in college
• My best friend's boyfriend
• My friend never forgiving me
• Being too screwed up
• Never falling in love

That seems like a long list, and some of those things I should probably not be afraid of, like my parents, or my best friend's boyfriend, or never falling in love, but the truth is, that in the circumstances I'm currently in, I am a little afraid of them. It sucks, but I guess, the important thing to remember is that, despite my fear, I know that no matter what, God is always with me, even in the particularly sticky situations, like the one I'm in now. 

Nerdy Spoons ;)

Hey!

So I'm at a conference for high school students to come together in the capitol of this great state and pretend that we are the house of reps and the senate. It's actually really fun, but it's also a nerd conference that requires you spend four days living in a hotel in the capitol city. It's called Youth in Government, or YIG. But I don't have that many nerdy friends. I mean, I don't really have that many friends at all, but then you get into who's nerdy enough to come on this trip, and you're left with just one, which is fine, because she's my best friend. But her boyfriend is also nerdy enough to come on this trip. And he doesn't like me.

Anyway, last night, there was a dance at the conference, and guess who she (my best friend) hung out with. Not me. Him. So I was left with literally no one to talk to. I was sitting by myself at a table. But while I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself, some girls came over to me, and asked if I had a deck of playing cards. And of course, I did. (fun fact: I carry this GIANT purse, in which I carry, like EVERYTHING.) So I pulled them out, expecting them to take them and leave, but they said, "Wanna play cards with us?" Their names were Anna and Starr. We sat down, and they went and found some of their other friends, and soon enough there were ten of us sitting on the floor in the ballroom lobby playing spoons with our credentials because we didn't have any spoons. (I actually did, but not enough to play spoons with.)

But I think God sent them to me. He knew how much I felt sorry for myself, and how I was doubting the possibility that someone would actually choose me over someone else, that I am ever actually wanted. He was using this to remind me that I can still have fun, even without any of my actual friends. And He showed me that even if I'm not wanted at first, I can become wanted, assuming I find the right person. I don't know, this may be complete crap, but those girls saved my night from being a compete and utter disaster, and I know that God did that.

Also, it's really pretty early in the morning, which is kind of killing me, so if any of that didn't make sense, I apologize. Feel free to comment to express any confusion, or anything else for that matter.

Thanks!! I hope you truly seek God today!

A Prayer for Peace and Comfort

Dear Lord, 

You know what's on my heart. You know how he hurt me, and how he continues to hurt me in all of his little ways. You know how I want to hurt him back, but Lord, I know that's not what you would have me do. 

Father, I need your peace. Give me comfort, Lord. Help me live for you daily, and give me the peace and comfort and strength to do so. But also, help me step out of my comfort zone. 

Be with me, and help me deal with every temptation, and every heartache, and every moment of despair. 

In Jesus' Name I pray, 
Amen

iPod Shuffle

Hey world of online people!!

So, yesterday was an incredibly difficult day. My chorus teacher went all psycho crazy woman on me, and acted like I haven't put so much of my time, energy and focus into her class as I have, and was just generally horrible to me and a couple of my friends. It was just bad.

Well, after school, I went home and took a shower. Before I got in, I hit shuffle on a playlist that I made a little while ago with VBS songs on it from this past summer, as well as lots of other upbeat Christian music. Well, what songs came up as the first three, but the three best possible songs to dance and generally goof off to. So in my shower, I danced and goofed off to fun music, which severely improved my otherwise wretched day.

I don't really know what else I could even say about this, except it was just definitely a God thing. I had this crazy sense of God each time the song changed to reveal yet another goof-off worthy song. God knew what I needed, and He took care of me.

Crazy Days!!

Aloha interwebiverse!!

I hope the past month has been a pleasant one!! Sorry I haven't posted... I've been a little busy. And truthfully, I've been kind of drifting through life without really LOOKING for God. But I'm back.

So Youth Sunday (the Sunday when the youth group leads the entire worship service) is coming up at my church, so we had a music and skit practice on Sunday night. We were singing songs some of the girls didn't know, so we went to a classroom to practice. And anyway, these girls in particular are significantly younger than I am, like four or five years younger. But I had a BLAST scream-singing the songs as much as possible, and yet still being musical. I don't know. . . There's something about being crazy for God that's just AWESOME!!! And kind of renewing I think. Just to let loose and do something really fun that also glorifies God... it just feels right.

Looking Past Your Own Pain

Hey Interwebs!! I hope you've had a good week. I did.

At my church, I sing in the praise band with mostly the mothers of my peers. And our Worship Leader, Dennis. Oh, and my doctor. But anyway, one of the mothers, Ms. B, she's been sick for a while now. First she had breast cancer, then as soon as she found out she was cancer-free, she had some other health-related problem, and now she's on this medicine that makes her feel sick a lot. Well, even despite her illness, she always finds ways to encourage me. This morning, I made a mistake with our music, and yet after we finished singing, she whispered to me, "Great job Becca." It was little, really no big deal, but that she, in all her suffering and difficulty and pain, would look beyond all that to see an insecure teenager humiliated by an insignificant mistake and want to alleviate my discomfort?? It's such a gratifying experience, and I'm so thankful. So very thankful. It's Christ-like love like that that I strive for, and yet fall short of, every day.

I hope everyone has a good week!!
Love, Becca

A Day at a Time

I've been thinking a lot lately about my own issues in my relationship with Christ. I'm really judgmental. I tend to be condescending, and impatient. I want to live my life 100% for Christ, but sometimes I just can't. Anyway, I've been thinking about this lately. How can you eradicate sin from yourself? Well, I can tell you, it won't be done in a day. If you just try to fix your whole self in a day, when you get to the end of the day and you're not only just as sinful as you were when you started, but you're frustrated, and mad at yourself, too. But Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will you be completely changed in a day. Look at the Olympic Athletes. They didn't just wake up one morning, decide they were going to go to the Olympics, and then show up there that same afternoon. They've been working for months, even years, to get where they are now, at the opening ceremonies of the games tonight. We have ups and downs, and we really just have to take them one day at a time.

SNOW FLURRIES!!!

This afternoon, I went out to run some errands for my parents, who are currently fighting a relatively legit cold (relatively legit for a cold). Anyway, while I was out, it started flurrying!!!! It was super exciting!!!! Even though it probably won't actually snow, it was really fun to see them. It's amazing the way God shows Himself through the smaller things in life. :)

Music :)

Hey Everyone!!!

Well, I'm a musician. Music is in my blood. It's in my heart. I'm pretty sure its coded in my DNA. Anyway, that means music is my most heartfelt form of worship. I just connect so easily to it. It touches me so profoundly. I don't know. But anyway, this afternoon, I was feeling a little lonely, driving home from a basketball game, when I decided to turn my radio from the classical station that I often listen to (yes, I am well aware I'm a dork), to my local Christian station. And I just connected. One song in particular, Signature of Divine by NEEDTOBREATHE really touched my heart, with the words "Take me, and pull me through./Cause I can't move without you./I won't leave you alone, you say./It will be okay." Anyway, it really touched my heart, and reminded me how God is always with us, and He never leaves us alone.

Also, just quickly, all the time, God reminds me to love others, and to forgive. I'm still struggling with forgiving my friend of a friend (see my post entitled "Get Nicer or Stay Away") who really hurt me. I want to, and I kind of have, but I'm still struggling. So if you could pray for me, I would hugely appreciate it.

Love,
Becca

Oh, and one last thing. A friend of mine is struggling with some personal things with people in our youth group, and if you would pray for her too, I would hugely appreciate that too! It's not exactly an SGM, but it's still very important. Thanks!! Becca ;)

Mission Trips!!

Okay, guess what!! I bet you guessed it! That's right!! The mission trip process has begun!!! I'm uber (is that even a word anymore? It was when I was a youngster...) pumped!!! Seriously, I can't wait!!! Although I can already tell you that mission trips will be different this summer. There are a lot of things changing this year, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, but I can't promise that it'll be a good thing either. So keep us in your prayers, please!! Love, Becca <3

The Joys of Reading on a Cold, Snowy Day

So... I live in the south, and because of the crazy weather that has left us cold, snowy, and completely shut down, I got almost a whole week out of school. I missed 3 days in a row. and then we had a weekend. So I've just spent 5 consecutive days not in school. Anyway, because we had no school, and it wasn't planned that way, I got some extra time, that my teachers hadn't expected I would have, so no extra school work was planned. So I had free time, which is almost a foreign concept to me now. But because of this free time, I got to sit down and read this series of books that I haven't gotten to read since I was a freshman. It's a great series by Donita K. Paul. I don't exactly know what the series is called, but the first book is called DragonSpell. It's really an excellent truth. Anyway, in each of the five books, Ms. Paul explores concepts that are really crucial to our Christian faith. It's a really excellent series of Christian Fantasy for Young Adults, but I would recommend it to anyone. The message is simple but clear. It gives a new insight into what it is that I claim as my religion. Anyway, when I read these books again, God really just spoke to me through some of the conversations people had. I can't really explain it, and there were a lot of these moments, but I really just heard God in them this past week.

Anyway, since I mentioned her books, Donita K. Paul's website is linked here: http://www.donitakpaul.com/

Oh, and the series I mentioned, it's apparently called the DragonKeeper Series. Which makes sense, if you read the first couple books. Anyway, I would recommend it!!

Love, Becca :)

Another One about the Same Thing

I know, I know, I have something new to say about what happened the other day with the friend of a friend of mine. I should seriously consider turning it into a hashtag. Hahahaha not really.

Anyway, when I texted that person the first time, they didn't respond. I have no idea what they thought of what I said. All I know is how awful I feel about what they said to me. I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. Well, this afternoon, I texted them again, because I saw God in that, and I wanted them to know it. I said Thank you, because that helped me see God. And again, they haven't responded. Not that I expected them to. But they didn't. I was having some serious trouble forgiving them for what they said to me. Not only was it overly harsh, incredibly exaggerated, and just downright mean, but they didn't even have enough respect for me to say it to my face. Or else they didn't have enough courage. But anyway, when I sent that second text, I felt okay about all of it. I wasn't mad about it anymore. But now I still am about to cry over it. Is that bad? Can I have forgiven this person, and yet still be hurt by what they said? I don't know. But it's something to think about, and a reason to Seek God.

Sorry, there wasn't really exactly an SGM, but I needed to post this.

Addition To Yesterday

So last night, I posted about that friend of a friend who was incredibly mean to me over a text message, and how that morning I had prayed about being peaceful. Well, during the time that I was distraught, I went driving all over the mountain. While I was in the car, I had the radio on, and literally every song was comforting to me. From How He Loves, which was playing when I got in the car, to every other song that they played, I could hear God talking to me, giving me comfort and love. It was really awesome.

"Get Nicer or Stay Away"

Today was a little rough.

Well, a little is kind of an understatement. I spent the first half in a horrible mood, the third quarter not realizing that I had offended my best friend, and the last quarter almost entirely in tears, with about an hour and a half of reprieve because I was in public. But that whole time I was near tears.

The worst part of today was this afternoon. I got an incredibly harsh text from the friend of a friend of mine. We used to be friends, but that kind of ended. Anyway, he texted me basically telling me that I'm a horrible person, and a consistent hypocrite, and that I don't know what "nice" even means, let alone how to act like it. That really really hurt. It sounds silly, but it made me cry for a couple hours pretty much non-stop. He told me that I'm nothing but mean to him, and our mutual friend, and that I'm horrible for our mutual friend, and my options are "get nicer, if that's even possible, or stay away." (That's a paraphrase, not a direct quote.) I was heartbroken. I didn't know what to do. But then out of the blue, it hit me: pray about it. There's this song we sang at VBS this past summer that goes "Don't worry about anything. Instead pray about everything." So I sat down to write a prayer (that's kind of a thing I do) when I saw a prayer I had written down earlier this morning for that person who was really mean to me. I prayed that God would bless him, and that I could show him love, and be at peace with him.

Well, after he sent this horrible text, I prayed, and asked God for comfort, and wisdom. And then I replied. And after that, (because its my way of releasing emotional pressure,) I wrote both him and our mutual friend a letter. In the text and in both letters, I can honestly say that I was completely loving to both of them. I didn't say a single thing out of spite or anger. It was honestly love. It was amazing.
But anyway, now I am feeling a little upset by it, and I don't think I'll be able to keep up my non-aggressive, completely loving replies up tomorrow. I can already hear some of my sassy remarks that might come out. But I don't want them to. So if you could pray for me, that I could be completely loving, I would appreciate it.