One Week Left

So one week from today, I'll be at STP. And I don't really know how I'm feeling. I feel like I should be really excited. I mean, I'm going to be meeting tons of new people, and beginning what others have told me is going to be one of the best summers of my life. But at the same time, I'm seeing more and more clearly all the things I'm going to be missing. And honestly, I'm beginning to get cold feet. I know that God called me to go to STP, but at the moment it doesn't feel like it. It feels a lot more like I should have applied to be my church's intern. Although I know that's not true. Also, I'm not doing well with fundraising. I started late, and my mom and I didn't see eye to eye on the people I should send letters to, so I didn't send as many as I'd planned on. So I'm just not going to be very funded at all when I get there. And I have to drive myself all the way there from home, which is scary because I've never driven that far in my life, let alone by myself, which is what it's looking like at the moment. So yeah. Not doing super well as far as that's concerned.

And okay, I'll be honest. Today was not one of my best, certainly not one of my proudest days. I got into an argument with my mom and sister over basically nothing. Definitely nothing worth fighting about. It was just a rough day in general. I just feel like a complete mess. And honestly, I haven't been doing very well about spending time with the Lord. When I don't have a set schedule, a specific time to get up, to be somewhere, I find it so difficult to open my Bible and read it, or to spend time in prayer.  So basically, it's been a crazy, unpleasant sort of time. While I'm not super excited to be going to STP, especially alone, in my head, I'm looking forward to being back into some semblance of routine, and to being among lots of people who love the Lord.