Doubting Thomas

If you read in John chapter 20, starting in verse 24, you hear about Thomas. He's mentioned a few times in the Scriptures, but this is his shining moment. This is what he's known for. And in his great moment of fame, he doubts. He missed Jesus' first appearance to the other disciples, and he doesn't believe that Jesus really has risen from the dead. He says, "Let me see the holes in his hands, let me feel those holes, let me touch his wounded side, and I will believe." (That's just a paraphrase, so you know.) But then Jesus comes to him, and tells him to feel his wounds, to touch his side and his hands.

I think if I were Thomas, I would be feeling pretty sheepish right about then. To be proven wrong so completely and utterly would be pretty embarrassing. And yet, Jesus still loved him. And Thomas did come to believe.

I have to wonder how I'll feel on that day when I'm standing in front of the Lord God Almighty and He proves wrong every one of my doubts. When He says to me, "Becca, I was with you that day when you thought you were facing the world alone," or, "Becca, I heard every word you ever said to me, I know what you felt and thought at every moment," or "Rebecca, I've forgiven you. No matter what you did, I've forgiven you," I imagine I'll be feeling pretty sheepish myself, to say the least. But I have so many doubts. So many.

We talked about this particular chapter of John tonight at FRESH, and it was great. I loved talking about my doubts, and better, hearing my own doubts expressed by other girls. It was good to know that my doubts aren't unique to me. And to hear that I'm not the only one with lots of doubts. Doubting God's goodness, doubting God's forgiveness, even doubting God's existence is something that I wrestle with often enough. I mean, I have more doubts than there are fish in the sea. But honestly, I think God can take it. I think God wants to hear us express our doubts, and He wants us to pursue Him through our doubts.